Vuelos perdidos

Cuando creces entiendes porqué Peter Pan voló hacia el país de Nunca Jamás con los niños perdidos, sin embargo, cuando creces antes de tiempo, la infancia y toda esa magia desaparece, vuela hacia quién sabe dónde llevándose ese espíritu inocente que nunca llegará a nacer.

Ni los cuentos de hadas, ni el Ratoncito Pérez ni el puto Papá Noel existían para mí. Aunque me esforcé cada día, no pude mirar el mundo como lo mira un niño porque es de cajón, diría yo, que un niño con heridas en el alma ya no es un niño.

¿Pero de qué sirve ahora pensar en ello? el pasado se queda en el pasado y sigues adelante. Sigues, claro que lo haces, pero ya nada es lo mismo, por culpa de la puta sociedad, del egoísmo del ser humano, por toda la miseria, por todo y por nada al fin y al cabo ¿A quién le voy a echar las culpas ahora, a estas alturas? Da igual, no importa.

Solo sé que, aún ahora, intento ser niña de vez en cuando, no sé si en busca de la felicidad perdida, no sé si en busca de recuerdos falsos que llenen el vacío y el dolor, no sé porqué, pero a veces lo intento... y la realidad se vuelve aún más dura y estricta, quién sabe porqué. La vida te enseña muchas cosas, y aprendes, por todos los santos, claro que aprendes... y supongo que una de las lecciones más importantes que he aprendido, muy a mi pesar, es esta: nunca mires atrás.

The Birth and Death of the Day

Do you see those chains? Do you see that cage? I would live there until the end if you choose to be with me, we're not free but in our minds. And maybe you will never know but you make me feel free even if I am not, I know I am not, I know you are not, anybody is in this tangled world... even in their minds, most of the people are not free.

But I swear I am infinite when you let me be part of you, and I would not mind to be prisioner of this cage, I would not mind go around the whole world with you searching for freedom if this has become your desire. I am all yours, even if someday you decide to let me go, you will have my entire soul forever. You have it because you became the light I need to keep going, because you are always there when I most need it, you showed me the way to escape from that hole where I was buried.

You know, I have suffered so much through all my life, you know I am trying to be better every day, and every second that is dying I am trying harder to show you the person I really am, without all those fears and memories that leave me breathless and scare me to the point that I have to escape and hide from everything and everyone.

I know maybe I am hurting you with all of this, but we all have a plenty of things to learn in life, and I have learned some things that you didn't, and you learned other things I did not even knew about, and that is how all works, everyone of us is walking a different path, everyone of us sees the world totally different from any other person. Everyone suffers his own pain, and no one can save us from this.

I am searching, I am trying, I am learning, and so are you, do not blame me for this, I am so  sorry if I ever hurted you, I am so sorry if you ever feel tired and broken because of me and all my fucking problems, I know I am the one who must be stronger and brever than this world to fight and keep going this life.

And you maybe do not know, but you showed me, in some way, that I am my own hero, you gave me the strenght and I am trying and fighting because of you, because you said to me that no one would help me if I do not help myself first, because all that we have is ourselves, and those who loves us, but those who loves do not live forever.

I think you are one of those few persons in this world that is worth fighting and dying for, I can not afford myself to lose you. Stay with me forever, I will be with you until the end of my days, no matter what happens. I will be there, anytime you need, wherever you need, whatever you need. I love you, I need you, and I admire you for all you are, with your mistakes and the things I hate about you, because even when I am mad at you I am loving you.